As I sit here, eating my delicious soup I made the night before – I think about how spicy it is, and how the spiciness must come from the Rotel. I wondered if all Rotel varieties were spicy – and I knew one person who might know – my son’s father: my ex. The reason he is the first person who comes to mind when I think about Rotel is because when I met him, that was the first time I had ever heard of Rotel. He liked to cook – and he is pretty good at it. The first meal he ever cooked for me (and his friend) was chicken Rotel. It was very tasty, but also quite spicy! And I was told it was because of the Rotel.
Looking back, I remember he was always the main one to cook our dinner just about every night (on the nights he was home, that is). I’d get my one or two nights of cooking one of the few meals that was familiar to me – so I wouldn’t mess it up. I used to always mess up spaghetti, it always came out bland. I even messed up a salad once. Since then, he always took over in the kitchen.
We never had the best relationship – it wasn’t the worst, but we definitely weren’t meant to be together. For some reason, we’d always find ourself back together, “trying to make it work”. It’s not uncommon for most people to have that one, unhealthy relationship that you’re stuck in – going round and round in a vicious circle of make-up’s and break-up’s. His talent for cooking was one of the reasons I stayed with him. Now I know that sounds crazy, but it’s true. I was never that great of a cook, and there were only a handful of meals I could cook on my own – that didn’t taste completely awful. My ex provided me great tasting dinners, night after night.
It’s now been over a year since we broke up, the longest we have ever stayed apart before making up. I know this is truly the last time – we will never get back together. The reason I am writing this is because – years ago, I was a poor excuse of a cook with him – and now, without him, I am an awesome cook I have grown so much more being without him, than I ever did with him. Today, I am the most awesome person I can be and I am also with the most awesome person I could ever be with. I am thankful for that. I thank my ex for helping me to grow without him. Charles Willis, II – I love you so much!
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As the month of October nears, we draw closer to the end of the year and the beginning of a new one. In a little over 3 months I will be 27 years old, and in the event that I turn 27, I decided to make a small bet with myself.
I have never looked at myself as fat, although my boyfriend has heard me refer to myself as fat more times than I should. I also know that I am not as small, slim or as tone as I used to be in high school. In high school I weighed under 100 lbs (95 to be exact). Then after moving out of my parents and to Atlanta for college, my weight went up to 110 lbs. But that isn’t the worst of it – when I was 24 I got pregnant – and since then my body has been forever morphed into something I’m still not 100% comfortable in. I must admit, I am 10 lbs lighter this year than I was last year – I made the commitment to myself to eat better, and portioned my meals into 5 small meals a day. That helped me shed the pounds and fit into my clothes more comfortably and confidently. I even felt better in a bikini, but at the same time I’m still not 100% content at where my body is now. My current weight right now fluctuates from being as low as 113 lbs to as high as 115 lbs. Not too far from my pre-pregnancy weight of 110 lbs – but I’m also not there is the problem. It is safe to say that I am not all that focused on my weight though. I am more so focused on my stomach – the mini “muffin top” that still lays upon my once flat, tone tummy.
I know I am the sole reason my stomach still is “pudgy” – I don’t exercise and I definitely do not eat my 5 small meals a day anymore. I don’t watch what I eat as carefully, and I even have soda in my fridge again! *gasps* I still make sure not to over eat, but I am certainly not portioning like I did before either. Well, the time has come to change all of that (again). It is time to get back on my 5 small meals a day, portioning – and this time, I plan to start exercising too! Well, I am going to start out with walking/jogging – and build my stamina up to running. I purchased a jogging stroller MONTHS ago and have only used it at the park – and didn’t do one lick of jogging with it! It’s time to stop wasting the money I put into that purchase and start actually DOING instead of all this SAYING that I’ve been going on for months.
I wanted to come up with a “reward” for myself – I was thinking a nice trip, or even a cruise – but that really isn’t much a reward when I have to pay for it myself. So I have come up with something better. This bet has now officially transformed into a training period. On January 13, 2013 (the day after my 27th birthday) they have the Atlanta Hot Chocolate 15K/5K. I plan to get myself into shape from now until then so I can participate in it. Now, I have NEVER done any sort of 5K walk, much less a RUN – so this will be interesting and quite a challenge. But I currently have a little over 3 months to start training myself – so why not?! I won’t lie, I am a little nervous that this might be a little out of my reach to do – especially since I NEVER run. But I have also never really set goals like this for myself before. As of right now – it’s on
Before I start, I usually don’t like to talk about my “single mother issues” but, I feel like I need to vent – I am currently having a “FML” moment
I guess I spoke too soon when I said my life is pretty “stree-free” – which, in all aspects it is, except when it comes to money.
I do it all for my son. I went to college. I graduated. I got a job. I have benefits. My son has health insurance. He’s in a good daycare. He has a roof over his head in our own home together. He eats well everyday. He has all the toys, movies, clothes, shoes… anything he could ever want or need (without going beyond the point of being spoiled). I take him to the doctor when he’s sick, I buy the medicines he needs to get better. And above all, I pay for everything - everything. And I do whatever I can to make sure I am able to pay for everything he needs.
I do get help from his father’s side of the family: $150 a month.
Daycare is $155 per week.
And that is all I am going to say about that.
But in all honesty – venting, complaining or even talking about this situation means nothing, because it won’t change anything. It brings me to tears of frustration that I have all these things to handle physically & financially for my son & I have to find some way to afford it because I am the only one who is worried about being able to afford it. Because if I can’t pay whatever bill that needs to be paid on behalf of our son it lands on me. So, why should he care to help out with a bill or financial responsibility that won’t have any consequence to him anyway? Why should he get a job to help afford all the things his son needs?
I am trying my hardest to not “dog him out” – but I’ll say this, being a daddy doesn’t make you a father. I have to stay strong for my son even when I feel like breaking down.
I can’t believe it’s been over a year since I’ve started this blog. I can’t believe I’ve kept this blog for this long! A lot has changed since I started – I’ve blogged about the good & the bad I’ve experienced…continuing to grow from each entry.
A year ago I was with my son’s father – trying to make it work… but – in the end, some people just are not meant to be together, even if they did create a life together. But I will say, where I am at today is a good place, a very good place. I am happy. Extremely happy! My life is drama-free, stress-free (that is, when my 2 year old toddler isn’t driving my up the wall! haha), I’m working my baby clothes line again, & everyone around me is in good health.
I was also very lucky to have met a very awesome man on a boat at an old high school friend’s wedding reception 3 months ago – and I am proud to say I am now his girlfriend I’ve been in relationships before, and I know this is going to sound cliche but, this one is definitely different from the rest. First of all, he isn’t a jerk, he’s genuinely a nice guy! And I love it, I love having a guy in my life who’s nice to me, someone who’s good to me – and does nice, small gestures that shows he cares. He’s into me, spends time with me, and likes to go out with me! (WHAAAAT!?!) He’s also great with my son, which means everything to me. He’s really making a special place in mine & Kaison’s lives. I never knew this type of guy existed, and I’m happier than ever that I’ve been able to find him. I don’t want to get too ahead of myself – or gush like crazy about all the amazing things about him – so I’ll just leave this short & sweet
Besides, I think it’s pretty obvious that I think he’s a freakin’ phenomenal human being who makes me extremely stinkin’ happy everyday! Love you guys & I love my life!